Soooo, here I am a day after the birth of my sons, who are currently in the NICU. I’m here laying in bed, recovering and waiting for a wheel chair so I can go see them. I haven’t seen them since they were in my arms and were whisked away to be taken to the NICU.
The C-section was an out of body experience I will always remember. As they prepare you to go into the operating room, they explain to you how everything is going to happen. First you will get a shot in the back to numb the area where the anesthesia is going to be injected. After the area is numb they insert a large needle in your spine that would shot you with the medication. At first you will feel a warm sensation starting in your feet and slowly taking over your legs and body, then you will feel that everything gets heavy and that’s when they laid you down in the operating table.
The anesthesiologist explained that you will feel your chest not able to move up and down when you breath and that’s normal. She explained that all the machines in the room will be reading vitals including oxygen, that’s how they will know you are breathing fine. I wanted to leave the prep room when she mentioned the no breathing part, you don’t say that to a person that a few minutes ago disclosed to you that suffers from anxiety and panic attacks!!
Anywho, once inside the OR she told me she forgot to mention that if I wanted an oxygen tube that they were able to provide it. Geez lady!!! Why didn’t you mentioned that when you were prepping me. I spent 45 mins trying not to lose it because I need it to be calm and concentrating so hard on my chest that I was losing sight of what was important the birth of my babies.
Once in the OR everything I was told came true and as soon I didn’t see my chest rising at every breath I asked for the oxygen tubes. My doctors were busy opening my womb to get my babies out, while my husband was sitting next to me staring at the blue sheet of paper they laid in front of us to restrict the view of the action, waiting for the babies to give a sign of life. It took probably 10 mins to get Baby A out crying his lungs out. I cried too because he was alive, he was real, I couldn’t see him because of the sheet and because he need it to been taken away to make sure he is ok. At that point something in me clicked, something that I wish I can described with words but all I can say is that at that moment nothing wasn’t going to be the same. All the worries I had for how heavy my body felt and “what if they cut something wrong and make me bleed” went out of the window, his cry was an spell that took me to a point of complete relaxation and excitement at the same time. But that was shorlived when two minutes later Baby B was out and we didn’t hear him cry, the anesthesiologist who was also right next to me, saw my worry face and kept me at ease telling me what was going on at the other side of the sheet. “He is fine, he just need to be stimulated a little bit”. Those 10 seconds when I couldn’t hear his cry felt like an eternity but finally he scream a very soft cry than what his brother did but it was a cry, I was able to let my guard down. As my husband was holding Baby A, I was feeling my shoulders numb, something that I wasn’t told it was going to happen. I let the anesthesiologist know and she immediately work on it to control the medication. Since both of my arms were numb I wasn’t able to hold my baby and they were still working on my other baby, stimulating him because his breathing was not good. It wasn’t until they closed me up and took me to the recovery room that I was able to have the dedire skin to skin contact. That’s when I notice their breathing was shallow and when they told us Baby B temperature was too low. I was still under the anesthesia and as a funny side effect my nose started itching really bad. As the temperature didn’t raise for Baby B, they took them away from me to take them to the NICU. It was probably around 1 pm the last time I saw them, it’s 11 am at this point and I’m anxious to go and see them. Even though I have to be honest, I’m afraid to find out the state they are in like how many cables and machines they might be connected. As my husband took over to be on top of the nurses and doctors that our sons were taken care of, he kept coming back to my room with updates of our sons and what they were doing to them with pictures and videos.
I just wish they would hurry up with that wheelchair, I have been told to start pumping my breasts so I can start producing milk for them but I’m just too tired and too worried that I keep forgetting to do so. But now while I wait to be reunited with my sons, I will pump, who knows maybe I’m able to breastfeed them too in this visit.